Update on that Baby!!

Let me first start out by saying... WOW! This whole being pregnant thing... awesome! Aside from the vomiting, nausea, and gaining weight... it is incredible!

We had an appointment last week and the baby's heart rate was 160. What a blessing... It is so amazing how that little heart beat can change your entire world...

I believe I felt the baby last night... I thought this is too soon, and maybe not the right place... So, I called "grandma" and she was like that would be the place... my heart melted... I felt my baby, probably for the first time! It is amazing, and kind of weird to know that you are a housing unit for this little miracle inside of you...

So... there is my update! I will try to update as we go along on this journey! Our next appointment is in January. We should know the gender in January as well.

We're Pregnant!

It finally happened! God is working miracles everyday, in every city... Nate and I found out on October 12th that we were pregnant! It overwhelmed me... All I could do was hug that man that was way more than "just my husband", and cry.... he had battled this storm for so long, I didn't know how we would react had we gotten a positive test. It is amazing how in one instant your life can change, how this baby... so small, can be your entire world. I am so blessed that Nate and I are able to share this... I am truly blessed beyond measure.

Remembering...

Lately I have been really remembering the ones that are no longer with us. I remember the small things... the little details. I remember the last time I seen them, or held them... I think this has all really came about because of my book. Not only are parts very emotional, they are still very fresh. I have been concentrating on it so much, as this has been my dream... and I remember the ones we have lost that had dreams they weren't able to fulfill. It is almost like it is my duty to follow this through. Remember to follow your dreams. They are so precious, and they are yours.

I have attached a few older pics of Sarah and I. If anything they will make you laugh....

My Book

Yeah!! I was told today by CPT (creative publishing team) that my book was captivating and they would be thrilled if I published it through them! How cool it that???

One step closer.....

Ex-Mom

Those of you that know me well, know that before I met the man of my dreams, I was married. With that marriage were two little boys, Trent and Christopher. When we divorced the boys were just turning 3. That was 4 1/2 years ago.

So... last night I was meeting with his now wife, she had some pictures for me. In that I was able to see Trent. Which was Awesome! After being there for a while, I asked Christopher if he remembered me?

Chris: No
Me: That's alright....
Trent: You don't remember Tiffany?
Chris: No....
Trent: She is our Ex-Mom....

They continued to talk..... kids crack me up!

Tired....

So, Kaden and I are in the car driving to Grandma's House. He is in the backseat eating Sweet Tarts. I was a little nervous cause I didn't want him to choke, so every couple of minutes I would say,"Kaden-are you ok?" I would then tell him, "remember to chew and chew..." After about 15 minutes of this, Kaden goes "I don't want these anymore" I asked him why and he said, "My teeth are tired...." I couldn't help it.... I laughed!

Better Days

I am so damn frustrated! We went to the doctor yesterday, and he pretty much gave us no hope. Not, that it is the doctor's fault... cause it isn't.... but I get so angry... What bothers me the most.... NOTHING is covered by insurance! NOTHING.... NOTHING..... NOTHING! But, the state of Wisconsin will keep supporting women who go out and get pregnant as their source of income. (I'm not saying anything bad about people that need help, and are making a valid effort... that is why it is there. Not for the people that are just plain LAZY!) So, I wonder if I lost my job, if the state would start paying for all this fertility stuff? I am just talking out my butt.... I just get irritated.... Nate and I want a baby, and unless we come up with some major cash quick... we will wait and wait.....

I know this is all part of God's master plan, I think that is the only reason I haven't lost it by now. I can't remember the last time I got so emotional about anything.....

Hoping for sunnier days!
Tyff

Just out of reach....

Does God hear me when i cry myself to sleep? Can anyone see what this is doing to me? I want to be a mommy so badly that it hurts inside... I know i need to shift focus, i know that my plan might not be God's plan.... but i am bullheaded and i want him to spell it out, LOUD AND CLEAR!

Off to the laundry..... hopefully i will be in better spirits soon!

Love

Verse

I received this email from a friend.... it really speaks to you.....

"to get something you never had, you have to do something you never did..." When God takes something from your grasp, he's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence: "The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will no protect you...."

Have a wonderful 4th of July!
We are going to the zoo!

Cheers!

Failure

As much as i don't think i am a failure, this week... i feel like i am. Yup, you guessed it.... i got my period and am not pregnant, once again. Just one more month, i am beginning to think this will never happen and that God has other plans for my life. I am just tired of the disappointment.... it is such a let down month after month.... I feel incomplete that i can't get pregnant...

Thanks to everyone who has been standing beside me and Nate during this really Long process...

Tiff

Do I really look that OLD?

So, what a week i've had....

Today one of my student employees told me she thought I was in my mid 30's..... after she saw the look of horror in my face.... she explained it was because I acted so mature.... (for those that know me.... I don't!) She then said just by looking at me she would have said I was AT LEAST 33... WOW!

So, I get home and I am telling my ever so caring husband.... and he said, yeah... there are some days that you do look older....

There you have it..... a perfect way to end the week...... Oh... and for the record, I'm 27... I just turned 27!

For my readers in their 30's or older.... I don't think 30 is old.... I just tend to think that I will stay 29 forever! :)

Our Anniversary!

I have been married a year today! I feel very blessed to have Nate in my life. I never knew the meaning of True Love until I met him. He really does complete me. I really am the lucky one....

Happy Anniversary to the man of my dreams....

Always and Forever,

Tiffany

Yippy!

I ovulated this month! Maybe having a baby of our own isn't too far fetched after all. We will just keep praying and keep trying.... it is bound to happen!

Thanks to all of you who have been supportive.... we really do appreciate you all!

Love.....

Thank You...

We were sitting down to eat brunch on Saturday and I was getting everything on Kaden's plate ready. I gave him his food and he said, "Thank You for cooking for me." I responded with, "your welcome Kaden..." Kaden looks at his dad and says, "why aren't you gonna tell Tiffy thank you! Tell her thank you for cooking daddy!!"

Maybe the 3 year old will teach that husband of mine some manners!

A few minutes later, Kaden informs us, "my tummy doesn't want to eat that....."

Ahhhhh.... to be 3 Again!

The Butterfly....

So, I picked Kaden up from daycare and he was very excited to show me that he made me a butterfly! He water colored it just for me! Even though that is precious in itself, the meaning of the butterfly was awesome and just what I needed....

To me the butterfly symbolizes new beginnings and change. It really made me realize that I need to be ok with the changes in my life. I need to know that everything will evolve just fine. The same way that the caterpiller evolves into a beautiful butterfly. I think it is time to leave the caterpiller behind and spead my wings to new beginnings.

For the record.... Kaden is a wonderful artist! This was his very first art project, and he was oh sooo proud! I couldn't be happier! I have it displayed on the fridge.. which will soon become Kaden's wall of fame!

Thanks Kaden!

Jesus will hear it...

So, Kaden folded his hands to pray as I tucked him into bed. I quickly sat on the side of the bed and folded my hands as well.... he wanted to pray all by himself tonight, so he proceeded with, "Come Lord Jesus be our guest let this food...."

I tried not to laugh....

We later prayed Now I Lay Me.....

2nd Day of Day Care

Last night I picked Kaden up from daycare, I don't think he stopped talking until we got home! He really liked it and told me all about it....

Today, I go to drop him off and I bend down to hug him good bye and he is closing the door... pretty much telling me to leave. So, I sneak a hug before the door slams in my face and off to work I go....

Children.....

Today is Kaden's first day in Daycare. Kaden is going to be 4 in October. I am about ready to leave and I ask him for a hug and a kiss and he asks... "do I have to?".... Children! Here I was preparing to leave work at noon because he wouldn't stop crying.... Oh well....

Finding myself....

For the most part, I thought I really knew who I was... But, I don't. God has been challenging me more and more lately. I am learning how to reach new goals, and how to battle some obstacles in my life. God has been showing me options... I know that new doors are going to open for me, and that in itself is a new challenge that I soon will be facing!

My greatest obstacle is infertility. I don't know what God's plan is for this, but I know he has one. He always does. My heart is ready to learn what God has instore for me. I have the best step son in the whole wide world, and I know that I could touch so many more lives.... I know that God will use this and I will grow from it! Our God is a big GOD and he has amazing things instore for each one of us!

Until Next Time!